For Florentinequill. Prompt-sentence-thing: "...You want me to use the dobe's idiotic sex change jutsu for a mission."
"...You want me to use the moron's idiotic sex change jutsu for a mission."
Satsuki gave Kakashi a long, unamused look. Kakashi smiled back. "Sadly enough Naruto can't do it -- don't mutter, Naruto, you don't have the manners to blend in. And the target would notice a genjutsu on Sakura's hair color. There really is no choice."
Arms crossed, Naruto kept glowering alternately at their teacher and at his teammate. Sakura sighed and patted his shoulder. "There, there. You don't want to do it anyway, there won't be any fighting. It'll be boring."
"But I am SO hot enough, damn it!" He threw his hands up in the air in frustration, and then slumped and gave Sakura a pleading look. "I could be, right, Sakura-chan? Maybe if... Sakura-chan?"
Sakura gave a dazed blink and turned back to him, but her attention didn't stay on the blond very long. "... Oh."
"See," Kakashi said, sounding quite pleased with himself, as Satsuki glowered at her. "What do you think, Sakura?"
"... oh yes please."
Naruto turned to look at the result of the jutsu, and let out a long, long whine. "Damn it, Satsuki-bitch, it's just not fair. You tweaked the jutsu, didn't you?"
Gorgeous slanted eyes, thick eyelashes, pretty face -- it wasn't much of a change, save for the length of the hair. The body, now, all long legs and long torso, and those shoulders...
Sakura bit her lip. She could feel her cheeks flushing. "Um. I don't think she bothered. But when you think about it, it's... really rather logical, isn't it? I mean, if you're--" she muttered the rest, because however much she felt for Satsuki now, she'd always felt a lot against -- prettier and maybe not quite as book-smart, but like it mattered when she moved like the wind, when Sakura had none of the same killing instinct, "if you're attractive in one gender, and the jutsu translates that..."
Satsuki huffed at her, and placed her hands on hips she didn't have much of anymore. The effect wasn't very masculine -- a bit campy, actually -- but the challenging, irritated tilt of that jaw now emphasized a long masculine throat, jutting collarbones, in a way that wasn't male or female -- just dangerous.
Sakura wondered for a moment if she would have been so irritated by perfect-untouchable Satsuki as a child if she'd been a boy, with more sexual attraction to throw in the balance -- because Satsuki might be her one glaring exception (and hadn't she fought and raged before admitting that) but Sakura still called herself straight.
It would have been horrible. Who would she have pushed herself again? She couldn't imagine.
While she thought, Naruto's affront had melted away, turned into worry. He took a step closer, brushed his fingers against a too-flat, too-muscled belly. "The jutsu won't hurt him, right?"
Satsuki sighed, shoulders relaxing minutely. "The spawn is fine, idiot." Then of course she slapped his hand away, though it was so half-hearted it almost didn't count. Sakura rolled her eyes and chuckled.
"Alright, let's get this over with."
"Oh yes, please," said Naruto. "The faster it's done, the faster I get my girl back."
Satsuki stopped in her tracks, turned around slow and dangerous. Sakura squeaked. Then she started grinning, cheeks flushing. "Actually, Satchan? I was thinking, it'd be a waste not to, you know... Explore."
Satsuki stared. Kakashi winced and poofed out of earsight. Naruto brightened up, all of three seconds. "Uh, I dunno how I'd feel if, er. I know it's you but it would still be, still be a guy's dick in my girlfriend... I'm not sure how I'd feel about that."
Sakura considered getting angry at his stupid phallocentric macho thought. She even had a fist lifted, and everything. Then she stopped.
Satsuki arched an eyebrow at her. Sakura nodded just barely toward Naruto, who knew enough to look bewildered and alarmed in equal measures.
"Hm." A thin smirk appeared on that more masculine, but just as beautiful face. "Sure. Just get him convinced by the time I come back."
"I can do that."
As Satsuki disappeared, muttering things about someone tasting his own medicine, Sakura turned toward their common boyfriend and started sorting out her strategy. Because she was sure that Satsuki-chan's man parts were just as beautiful as the rest of her, and if they weren't going into her then they would damn well be going into someone. Naruto was going to have to choose who it would be.