Pairing(s): NaruSasuSaku
Genre: Lemon, humor
Warnings: NC-17 for graphic M/M/F sex.
Notes: This fic would never have been completed without Cindelius, Sarolynne and Pie. Thanks, lovelies. And thanks to everyone who gave me beta advice, especially monique_27. Your list was very helpful. :3

Kiss Me, Stupid

"Oh... Okay. So how do we do this?" Naruto grinned at his teammates, somewhat manically.

He was standing by the bed; he was the only one. Sakura had made a beeline for the window and its fascinating view of the stables, and Sasuke hadn't taken any more steps than strictly necessary to close the door behind him.

"Why are you asking us?" Sasuke snapped, arms crossed defensively over his chest. "You're the one who trained with an infamous pervert for ages."

"Hah! You can't tell me you didn't pick up jack shit while you were living with the tongue freak and his harem of boytoys." Naruto wriggled his fingers suggestively. "Surely he had, you know, interesting tricks."

Sakura winced at the reminder of Sasuke's absence, and quickly stepped between the two bristling boys. "We are NOT using snakes," she declared emphatically, discreetly stepping on Naruto's toes to teach him not to mention Orochimaru at all. Way to ruin the moment, idiot.

"Ew, I wasn't thinking about snakes! You've got a dirty mind, Sakura-chan!"

"What the hell makes you think I would have learned to use snakes for that?" Sasuke added, giving her an incredulous look. Sakura blushed and smiled sheepishly.

"Ohoo, Sakura-chan has fantasies--OOF."

"Naruto," she growled. "Shut up if you don't want to leave this room through the wall."

Sakura let go of Naruto's collar, glaring at him. He folded in two and slumped on his knees with a choked whimper, and then grinned disarmingly at her, still wheezing. Mollified against her best judgment, she gave him a hand up.

Sasuke watched them from his spot against the door, arms still crossed defensively, expression shuttered. Sakura and Naruto exchanged a worried look, and advanced toward Sasuke in unison. He scowled as they flanked him, and he drew himself up as if to put a little more distance between them.

"You know, you're too damn tall," Naruto remarked with a thoughtful tilt of the head.

There was a pause. And then, "It's not my fault you're a runt."

Sakura breathed out as the rising tension in the room petered out.

"Oi! I'm not a runt, you're a freaking beanpole -- my arms are twice as big around as yours! Right, Sakura-chan, tell him!" Naruto shrugged off his jacket and flexed his biceps. "See? A runt, he says -- hah!"

"... My apologies," Sasuke commented dryly.

Naruto gave Sasuke a weirded-out look, mouth open in shock.

Sasuke continued, slow and deliberate. "You're not a runt. You're a dwarf."

This time, Sakura didn't step between them in time.

She had to admit, though, that the sight of a tank-top-wearing Naruto wrestling a kimono-wearing Sasuke to the floor wasn't really...


Wasn't really... What had she planned to think again? She was a little distracted.

... Wasn't ...too objectionable? At this early hour, the other patrons of the inn wouldn't be too bothered anyway -- ohh, a bare shoulder. And she really needed to figure out why the sight of splayed fingers barely emerging from a large kimono sleeve made her mouth go dry.

Or maybe it was Sasuke's knee between Naruto's legs. Or Naruto's square, tanned hand bunching up fabric at Sasuke's collarbone.

Or the way their rolling around was just a little bit more vicious than it had been when they'd been children and they were about to knock over the bedside table. "If you break anything, it will come out of your pay," she commented, trying to sound stern.

They ignored her. They were too busy with each other.

Their rolling around made the little table wobble perilously. They ignored that, too.

She caught the table by two of the feet and smashed it against the wall just over their heads. Splinters of wood rained down on their suddenly very still bodies.

"... That's gonna come out of your pay," Naruto commented cautiously from his spot underneath Sasuke.

"Shut up, Naruto."

Sasuke was giving her that strange look that said he didn't know who she was anymore. It hurt, like every time she'd gotten it; she was glad, though. Like he was meeting her anew. No more silly misconceptions this time around.

"We didn't come here so I could watch you two fight," she reminded them both, voice wavering briefly at the memory of their real goal. "If you're going to fight, I'm going to fight, too."

"No way!" Naruto protested as he scrambled up, shoving Sasuke off him. "I'm not fighting with you."

Sasuke scoffed at him. "You sound scared."

Naruto wrinkled his nose. "Hell yes I'm scared. That punch you got in the face, yeah, you remember the one? It was a love tap compared to what Sakura-chan can do when she puts her mind to it. Seriously, she's almost as scary as the old hag."

Sasuke stiffened and glared at Naruto, and then at Sakura, briefly. He didn't seem to like the reminder that she'd caught him by surprise and laid him flat once. Sakura gave him a hurt look; and then she clenched her teeth and her fists. "So you don't want to brawl with me?"

"Ehh. It's not that kind of rolling around on the floor I wanna do with you," Naruto quipped, grinning quickly at her.

He -- barely -- managed to dodge her fist; but that was because he'd tripped on Sasuke's foot and landed on his ass.


"What'd I say?"

"So I'm good enough to -- to fuck, but not good enough to fight?"

Naruto looked so aghast that she was instantly mollified, and Sasuke's taken-aback look soothed her a little farther.

"No! Nonononono, that wasn't what I meant, I meant -- I meant -- Sasuke!" Naruto stared insistently at their third teammate, as if Sasuke could tell him what he meant.

Which, of course, he could. Even if his cold and detached tone tried to deny any actual acknowledging of the subject as more than an abstract conversation piece. "Your style of fighting isn't adapted to brawling in close quarters. You're lighter and you don't have as much pure physical strength; you would have to use your chakra-enhanced punches. And once you use your chakra," he added grudgingly, "you win."

Naruto jumped into the opening. "Yeah! Like, by breaking bones and all. It's fun to spar with you when we've got some space to move around, but not so much in a room, 'cause if you touch us we're gonna be in a world of pain. And that kind of brawling -- it's not a real fight or even sparring; it's not supposed to end up with more than a few bruises."

Placated, she smiled fondly at them both. "Liars."

"... Hey! We're not."

"Uh huh," she replied, still smiling, as she sat gingerly on the edge of the bed.

Naruto knelt up by the bed, his elbows on the mattress as he looked up at her. "It's true. You don't believe me? We really think -- mmh."

Sakura wasn't sure when she had closed her eyes; but she didn't want to open them. It was easier if she just concentrated on the kiss -- fun and teasing and so very like Naruto -- and not on how Sasuke was taking it, because if she started worrying about him and whether or not he was brooding, she would lose her nerve, and then she wouldn't be able to reach out, feel around for his shoulder, and then reel him in.

Sasuke growled in her mouth as she kissed him, too; but he didn't break her hold to find a better position. She cupped his cheeks with both hands and leaned over him, and she thought about the trust it took for him to allow himself being so vulnerable, even for a few seconds of humoring her.

She had to let Sasuke go when Naruto clambered up on the bed, jostling her.

"Hey! Be careful --"



Sasuke snorted at his teammates as they rubbed their smarting foreheads in unison.

"I told you to be careful!"

"It's not my fault the mattress springs are worth shit!"

Sakura glared. "Maybe you'd like sleeping on the floor better then. To, say, spare the springs."

Naruto wilted. "...No ma'am."

Sakura tried really hard to keep from smiling -- but when she looked at Sasuke, he was resolutely avoiding looking their way, with his lips firmly pressed into a not-quite-stern curve.

"You two are completely ridiculous." Naruto tried to protest, but Sasuke just kept talking over him. "So are we going to do this or not? Because the room is paid for the night, not the month."

Naruto scowled at him, eyebrows scowling hard and cheeks puffed up. "Like you can lecture us, you--"


The two boys froze and stared at Sakura, who pretended valiantly that her cheeks weren't trying to match her top.

"Ess. Ee. Ex. Sex. Sex is the topic. All discussion pertaining to other topics is heretofore banned."

Naruto stared at her dreamily, his eyes twinkling in amusement. "... I think that was the most boner-making thing I've heard all day. Say something nerdy again!"

"Naruto!" she protested, grabbing a pillow to hit him with it. Naruto burst out laughing, and tried to pull it from her hands.

He pulled too hard, but luckily the pillowcase was made of solid stuff, which kept the down inside where it was supposed to be. In the end, she was the one who ended up all over Naruto, knocking him back onto the bed. She lifted her nose from his tank-top-clad chest and stared up at him, reddening once again.

"... Hi there."

...Naruto really did have an erection. Or, well, the beginning of one. The shift in their relationship was still so recent that half of her was tempted to hit him over the head and screech at him for being a disgusting pervert. The rest was too busy blushing.

And visualizing.

"Good," Sasuke commented sarcastically as he sat on his heels, watching them from the side of the bed. "Now try it without the clothes on. I hear it helps."

Sakura scrambled back, making Naruto yelp as she kneed him dangerously high in the thigh. He curled up protectively around his groin and rubbed his thigh, pouting at her. "Hey, that's gonna leave a bruise."

"If you ask her to kiss it better, I'm going to hurl."

Naruto scowled harder, even though his lips were quivering suspiciously. "Oh, like you have better lines, mister 'gets-groupies-by-looking-hot-and-playing-hard-to-get'! How'd you propose we get to it then, eh? Better ideas?"

Sasuke gave him a long, bored look. "... By just getting to it?"

Naruto sat at the edge of the bed, leaning back on his hands, and made a face at Sasuke. "You really have no clue either, huh."

"I have a suggestion," Sakura proposed, trying hard not to stare at the rather prominent bump in Naruto's pants. "Because I'm not jumping into it just like that -- I mean, we haven't even made out that much -- well, not today at least -- and... Well."


"Every time someone has an argument... They have to kiss."

"Ooh, like a penalty? Hehe. That sounds real scary."

Sasuke stared at Sakura, eyes narrowed in suspicion, and she gave him an innocent grin, cheeks burning. "Yes?"

"...Well played, Sakura."

"I don't see what you mean." Sakura laughed, a bit too loudly. "Um... We could get undressed, maybe!"

The thought of his partners naked distracted Naruto for all of two seconds; Sasuke's eye-rolling was too much to ignore. "Yeah, yeah, we should -- but what the hell are you on about, bastard?"

Sasuke unfolded from his crouch with a deliberate slowness. "Sex is good, bickering is bad, right?"

"Well, duh. That's only what we've been bitching about for the last hour," Naruto retorted, snickering.

Sasuke went to the window, and closed the blinds. "And when you're kissing, you usually don't talk, right?"

Sakura squinted to keep track of Sasuke as he moved back to them in the dark.


"And who argues the most amongst the three of us?" Sasuke added with weary, haughty patience as he stopped in front of the bed.

"Well, us. And you don't need to take that tone, asshole!"

"E-xact-ly. Retard."

"Hey! I'm not a retard, you -- mmph."

Sasuke pushed Naruto back onto the bed, leaning over him; Naruto resisted, one hand on the mattress and the other pulling on the collar of Sasuke's kimono to get him to stop making Naruto crane his neck so much. From what she could see in the darkened room, their lips were mashed together, and they were growling; Sakura pouted and crossed her arms as they kiss-fought. Or maybe hugged herself as she imagined what it might be like to be between them; she had a hard time deciding which.

And then she kicked them both, because she hadn't kissed either of them half that long and it wasn't fair, damn it.

"... Sorry."

She looked up at Sasuke, startled by his annoyed, put-upon, muttered apology. From him, the words were worth his weight in gold. She couldn't help it; she stammered, feeling guilty for her jealous reaction. "Ah -- it's -- it's alright, I just --"

"Alright! Naked time."

Naruto whipping off his tank-top was a rather efficient mood-breaker. Topic-changer. Or something.


"What? We gotta get naked sometime. As the bastard said, we're paying for a night, not for a month."

Naruto's shirt had landed on the shoes by the door. It was quickly followed by his pants. Sakura eeped, and peeked through her fingers at his patterned green and orange briefs. They should have broken the mood right there; but... His, er, Little Naruto was at half-mast; and then, as she watched, it started, um, lifting the sail.

When she glanced up at Naruto's face, he was beaming at her. Busted. But then, it was hard to say without much light, but Sasuke was probably looking, too, and oh, god. That was so not a bump in Sasuke's kimono. It was... a fold of the cloth. Yes. Something like that.

"ARGH!" She shot off the bed, shaking her head as if that could get rid of the stupidest train of thought ever. What was it with her sudden pure-maiden crap? She wrenched her zipper down -- it jammed between her breasts, and she pulled again, frustrated. There -- she squirmed out of her top, reached for the large white straps holding her skirt in place.

They were staring at her as if she'd gone crazy. She glared back at Naruto, lounging on the bed and looking sinfully hedonistic as he gave her still bound breasts speculative looks, and at Sasuke, standing tall and proud and all suggestive with his tease of a half-open kimono.

They looked like a fine study in the differences between porn and erotica. But her imagination had been stimulated more than enough in the last years, and even more so in the last days; so when she kicked off her skirt and sent it toward the direction of her abandoned boots, it was to whirl on Sasuke and point a finger at his chest. "You. Naked. Now."

Sasuke blinked slowly at her, in a clear 'does insanity run in your family, woman?' manner. Sakura closed and opened her hands, frustrated, but not enough just yet to invade his personal space and manhandle him out of his clothes.

Naruto manhandled him for her -- a tug, and Sasuke's belt flew off. Sakura caught a flash of pale hip, the line of a thigh; and then Sasuke pulled his kimono closed once again. This time, he held it in place firmly, with an accompanying deathglare at Naruto.

Sasuke opened his mouth, a blistering reply visibly on the tip of his tongue; Sakura tensed. "Ahh! No fighting or else you have to kiss again."

"...And that's a problem how?" Naruto drawled, and laughed.

Sasuke snorted and his shoulders relaxed slightly; Sakura breathed out. Sasuke had so many personal space hang-ups, even when he actually gave people permission to touch him and molest him and have sex with him...

"Come on, Sasuke-kun," she said softly as she tugged the bandages around her chest loose, reddening again under their gazes. She had a hundred words on the tip of her tongue, but none of them seemed to fit. "Just -- please."

He watched her, eyes unreadable; and then he stepped forward and reached up to touch her wrist. She didn't protest, let him slowly pull her forearm away from her bare breasts. Her heart was in her throat; when he took that last step and stood against her, she felt her knees shake. She threw her arms around his neck and clung, even as he tensed in surprise; and when his kimono opened between them as he cautiously slipped an arm around her waist, she hid her face against his neck and moaned softly. She had expected his skin to be cool somehow, fitting his pallor; it wasn't.

He was warm against her belly; warm and hard, and getting harder. He breathed in, lips brushing the lobe of her ear; she whimpered.

"... Hey, Sasuke, you dick, get your stupid clothes off. I can't see anything."

Sakura lifted her head from Sasuke's shoulder just enough to glare at Naruto from under Sasuke's chin.

"Though if you like doing it half-clothed so much, you shoulda told Sakura-chan to take off the shorts and keep the skirt. Oh, and put the boots back on. ...Man, that would be hot. Just glimpses and teases and stuff..."

"Should we perform for you, Naruto-sama?" she growled.

"That would be great!" he replied sunnily.

"All right. Then you can stay right here," she said as she pointed at the old armchair in the corner, "and we'll be over there."

"... But then I can't touch you."

"That's the point of a performance," Sasuke drawled as his thumb rubbed a little arc on Sakura's bare back, just over the line of her black biker shorts. "We perform. You watch. From afar."

"You're so mean." Naruto crossed his arms and reclined against the wall, giving them a stubborn look. "And since you're picking a fight with me, I want kisses from you both."

"And we should... What? Crawl on the bed after you?" Sasuke asked haughtily, giving Naruto's reclining shape a once-over that wasn't as annoyed as it should have been.

"Yep. But lose the underwear first."

"That's -- the nerve!" Sakura protested. "And you're still wearing your briefs anyway!"

Naruto blinked. "Oh yeah." And then, instead of moving to sit up from his sprawl, he propped his heels on the edge of the bed, knees slightly spread, lifted his hips off the mattress, shoulders still in contact with the bed, and pushed his underwear down his thighs. His erection bobbed happily when it was suddenly freed from the briefs, slapping against his belly with a distinctive little thwack.

Sasuke blinked. "... That's obscene."

Naruto grinned evilly. "Yeah, but I bet it got you hot."

Sakura couldn't help it, she started to laugh. "You... Pervert. Unrepentant pervert. Don't ever change."

Naruto grinned in echoing amusement as he sat up; Sakura was a little distracted by the play of muscles under the skin covering his abdominals. "I don't plan on it."

"... Well, don't change in private. Embarrassing us in public is a different matter."

"As if I would!" Naruto snickered. "Oh, wait."

She let go of Sasuke's neck and placed her hands on Naruto's thigh to brace herself for a kiss. He spent most of it cross-eyed, trying to get a good look at her breasts; she pretended she wasn't catching glimpses of his very... erect erection.

"... Niice. Your turn, bastard." Naruto made a kissyface at Sasuke; when Sasuke reluctantly stepped closer, Naruto gestured for him to stop, though.

"What now?"

"Get rid of your kimono."

Growling in annoyance, Sasuke let the kimono slide down his arm, and then threw it at the chair in the corner. He stood, hands on his hips, challenging; Naruto gave his body a long, deliberating look, and then snickered. "I feel cheated. With these kinda clothes, you should be wearing that ritual thong-thing, not boxers."

Sasuke glared down at him, and then deliberately raked his eyes down Naruto's body as well. Sakura observed as they scrutinized each other, and eventually sighed. "Should I leave the bedroom for your 'who's bigger' competition?"

"What? No! You're not leaving the room." Naruto grinned. "You can be the judge though. Unless Sasuke's scared of showing us his tiny dick."

"From what I heard from your most recent harem boy, yours isn't that impressive either, is it?" Sasuke replied loftily.

Naruto's mouth opened and closed a dozen of times before he could get out an answer. "... OI! It isn't! You can see it just right fucking here -- and don't mention my dick and Sai in the same sentence ever again; I'm gonna be impotent for the rest of my life!"

"Oh? I thought you two were on better terms than that. What with him seeing your dick and all."

"It was at the bathhouse! ... Wait, are you jealous?"

Sasuke's eyelid jumped. "No. I'm not."

"You so are!"

"Just because I find this utterly ridiculous doesn't mean I'm jealous."

Sakura rolled her eyes, took off her biker shorts and her panties with them, and hoped strongly that the boys wouldn't start squabbling again; she didn't have anything else to take off as distraction.

"You're jealous! You're jealous of Sai. I can't believe it!"

Sakura whapped Naruto over the head with her panties.

"Sasuke-kun. Your boxers, please?" She wasn't above some emotional manipulation; she allowed her voice to tremble a little. "It's weird when I'm the only one naked."

"Hey, I'm naked too!" Naruto protested, circling his cock with index and thumb to wave it at her.

Flustered, she tried not to look. "Yes, but you don't care!"

"How does that change anythmmph."

"You two owe each other a kiss," Sasuke commented, his hand pressed on Naruto's mouth.

And a little on his nose. If she went with Naruto's attempts to pull away, Sasuke was blocking his airway. Oops.

"Alright!" she agreed hurriedly as she tugged Sasuke's hand away from Naruto's face. "Alright, we'll kiss. But you still have to get out of your underwear. And you still owe Naruto one, too."

Naruto nodded furiously for two seconds, and then he seemed to discover that he was at eye-level with her crotch and his eyes glazed over. She curled her hands over her stomach nervously; she didn't move them over her groin, but that required an effort of will.

"... You're really pretty," Naruto commented as he gave her an awkward attempt at a soothing smile. "And hey! I knew you were naturally pink-haired. Kiba owes me a can of soda -- err."

Sakura whapped him again, and again.

... Only to freeze when Sasuke drawled lazily, "Here I thought that this kind of kink required negotiating first. And a safeword." And then she realized that she was whipping Naruto with her panties.

Naruto seemed to be trying to find a compromise between leering and laughing too hard to breathe. "Oh -- oh yeah -- oh yeah baby -- 've been a baaad boy, hit me with your frilly panties..."

Sakura dropped her panties as if they were burning her hand, and grabbed the closest pillow to administer Naruto's well-deserved beating.

"My--" thwhap "--panties--" thwhap "-- are NOT--" thwhap "-- frilly!"

Naruto curled up, an arm folded over his head defensively as he laughed himself breathless. Sakura put a knee on the mattress to reach, and kept on whapping him.

She eeped a little when Sasuke leaned behind her, one of his hands on the wall to keep himself from falling on her back as the other hand stole the pillow from her suddenly lax fingers. He was almost close enough to touch -- in a few areas, he did touch. She could feel his hipbone against her butt, and -- oh god, oh god, was that...?

"You cheated!" Naruto protested from his fetal position. "Sakura-chan, bastard cheated, he got naked when we weren't looking!"

"...That -- ah. Yes. I. Yes. He. Um."

"Sex," Sasuke enunciated calmly. "We have rented this bedroom for the express purpose of having sex."

Sakura whimpered. Under her, Naruto uncurled cautiously.

"We are going to have sex now."

Naruto pouted. "...I want you to know, I'm only gonna obey because I want it bad. It's pure coincidence."

Sakura was shaking too badly to say anything. She just watched as Naruto's strong, tanned body slowly unfolded, cautiously stretching his legs on both sides of hers. She could feel Sasuke's warmth on her back, his breath on her shoulder. When Sasuke's hand landed on her hip, she jumped and closed her eyes. She could feel him, his -- his penis -- his erection -- she could feel it against the curve of her butt, all soft-skinned and warm, and hard under the satiny skin.

"How are we doing that, not-chief? I mean -- damn, we never talked about who... Who gets what in what and how and when and all that."

It reassured her, somehow, to realize that Naruto was nervous, too. He had a lot more knowledge about sex than they did -- even if most, if not all of it, was pure theory. It made her feel less silly for not being perfectly cool with every little thing.

"There are choices to make," Sasuke imparted detachedly. "...I imagine," he added in a slightly more gruff tone, "that what we don't get to do the first time, we'll just try out later."

Sakura smiled shakily, meeting Naruto's eyes. Later. Yes. They all knew that, but being reminded that there would be a later was good. Very good.

Naruto smiled back, reaching up to cup her cheek gently, and addressed Sasuke without breaking eye contact with Sakura. "I'd love to get us both in her together, but for the first time she'd probably burst at the seams."

Sakura whimpered again, squeezing her thighs together. She didn't know if that was even possible, if she could stretch far enough, how they would arrange themselves around her -- but the very thought...

Naruto's fingers were brushing her collarbone now; she could feel the heel of his palm brushing against the top of her breasts. "Or... I fuck you, and you fuck her."


Sakura winced at the flatness in Sasuke's tone. This was the 'this conversation ends here, and should not have existed in the first place' kind of no. Uh oh.

"Why not?" Naruto retorted with a pout.

Sasuke snorted; the little puff of air against Sakura's neck almost made her forget to worry.

"Because I'll be doing the fucking."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Like hell you will."

"Guys. Don't. Please." She couldn't take them fighting now, she just couldn't. And about who got to stick his dick in who, too, of all the stupid things!

"Ack -- sorry, Sakura-chan!"

Naruto looked so worried she tried to smile at him; he winced at the results and caressed her arms gently, tugging on her shoulders. "Okay, how about some cuddles while we hash this out, eh? Nice cuddles. And making out. Maybe it will just happen on its own and there will be no need to decide anything, okay? It's alright."

Sakura sniffled, and let Naruto pull her down on his chest. "I'm not going to cry, you idiot." He didn't bother answer, just held her as she nuzzled him softly.

Sasuke hovered over them, until Sakura slid to the side of Naruto's chest and patted the mattress on Naruto's other side. Sasuke lay down gingerly, careful not to look anything like he was cuddling up to Naruto or touching him more than accidentally.

Naruto growled and grabbed Sasuke's dick. "I said cuddle, asswipe."

Sasuke hissed threateningly, and would have counterattacked, but Naruto was rubbing his thumb against his erection -- Sakura couldn't see the details, but she saw Sasuke's eyes crossing just fine. She giggled, shocked. When Sasuke glared at her, his cheeks red, she touched his shoulder hesitantly.

"Naruto, Sasuke-kun...? Please -- do you really dislike the idea of. Er. Of bottoming, or is it just another 'you have to beat me up first' things? Because -- I thought -- when you two said you wanted to try it, I assumed it meant, you know, not anything about general preferences so much, but... With each other, it would be okay...?"

Naruto gave the ceiling a thoughtful look. "Don't think I'd really mind trying it. Would need to try it to see if I like it or not, right?"

Sakura nuzzled Naruto's shoulder softly as thanks. "Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke growled, and tried to look away, but another tug on his erection had him hissing and glaring right back at Naruto. "The idiot says he doesn't mind trying," he muttered between clenched teeth.

"Yes, but if he doesn't like it...?" Sakura couldn't look Sasuke in the eye, in case he was in another of his inflexible moods. If she didn't challenge it, maybe he wouldn't dig in his heels on principle. "I don't want us to -- to take turns. Not this time. I want the three of us to do it together."

She reached slowly across Naruto's stomach, over his arms; she brushed Sasuke's side gently, softly, made her way up to his shoulder. And then, when Sasuke didn't move, when he breathed out a little deeper, she looked up into his eyes.

"Sasuke-kun... Do you really dislike the idea?"

He avoided her eyes. "Never thought about it."

"So why don't you think about it now?" Naruto grumbled back. Sasuke bristled.

Sakura had a minor epiphany. Sasuke just didn't want to set a precedent and be forever relegated to the role of bottom-to-Naruto; if he topped first, every time he didn't top afterwards would be seen as his choice to allow it, 'just this once'; not as the normal state of things. ... Which was really kind of stupid, but then logic and pride tended to be mutually exclusive in her teammates, and she knew which one came first.

She could bet Naruto thought along the same lines; even though he would probably be less stubborn about it, just to prove that he wasn't as squeamish as Sasuke.

She really, really didn't want it to be about their nth power trip, like almost everything else between them. She wanted it to be about their bonds -- all three of them. Which meant it had to happen equally for the both of them... But somehow, for their first time, manual and oral didn't seem quite... significant enough.

Three-people daisy chains would probably involve a visit to the chiropractor, anyway.

"... I think I remember a medical jutsu..."

Naruto and Sasuke fell silent in the middle of a debate for or against the presence of Naruto kagebunshins in the bed.

"Yeah? What's it do, give people more dicks?"

Sakura cuffed Naruto lightly. "No, stupid! It's a gynecologist version of a more common jutsu, so I haven't used it much..."

"Ooh, goody, does it make boobs grow?"

This time, Sasuke and Sakura cuffed Naruto together.

"What's wrong with my breasts?!"

Naruto laughed as he threw Sasuke off him to roll on top of her. Sakura squealed, and drew in a shocked breath when Naruto's teeth grazed one of her nipples. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing." Naruto grinned up at her, and started rubbing his cheeks against her breasts enthusiastically, licking and nipping teasingly.

She was so busy squeaking and yipping and trying to protect her chest that Sasuke's sudden return on the bed took her by surprise. The bed bounced under them, and they rolled together as Sasuke tackled Naruto. Naruto was laughing too much to defend himself properly when Sasuke attempted to choke him with a pillow; Sakura, caught under them both, tried not to whimper when Sasuke's thigh ended up pushing high between her legs. She pressed a hand against Sasuke's chest, trying to keep him away from Naruto.

Sasuke didn't notice where his leg was until after he'd moved his knee higher to consolidate his position. Sakura yelped; he froze, kneeling over her, and gave her a slow, cautious look.

"Did I hurt... ah."

She was wet against his thigh; she went red and turned her face away from them both, embarrassed. She could feel the bed move as Naruto flipped on his side and leaned on his elbow.

"... Wow."

She sneaked a glance at them, just in time to catch Naruto's hand cupping the back of Sasuke's thigh and running up; Sasuke started, briefly shifting his weight forward. It was enough to make her breathing hitch and her legs clamp around Sasuke's as she fought to keep her hips flat on the bed.

When Sasuke did it again on his own, pushing his thigh against her crotch again, tentatively, she stopped trying to keep still and rubbed back against him. She was panting; they all were.

"... Fuck, that's hot..." Naruto whispered; she wanted to thank him for the newsflash, but then Sasuke moved again over her, slow and methodical. She gasped and arched against him briefly, before embarrassment at his detached interest stilled her.

"Don't stare at me like that!" Sakura protested, beating her fist weakly against Sasuke's chest. He could at least hold her in his arms, if he wanted to make her hump his leg so much; he was still leaning over her on all fours, not touching her except for his thigh between hers.

Sasuke nodded, expression softening. "... Sorry -- Naruto!"

She squealed again as Sasuke jerked and landed on her, and he squirmed, trying to find somewhere to lean on without hurting her. She didn't even think about helping; she was too busy panting and moaning over the feel of his body, the way his weight buried her in the blankets.

"Sasuke-kun -- Sasuke..." She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him still as she tried to calm down. "Shh. Shh. Please -- please don't..."

He twitched over her, muscles tensing as if to lift himself off her; in the end he stayed. Naruto was caressing them both, with bold, insisting strokes of his rough hands. She saw him kiss Sasuke's shoulder, and then Naruto took her hand and kissed her palm and her wrist, and Sasuke jerked again on top of her and buried his face in her neck. She was breathing too fast; she couldn't breathe enough.

"I want," she gasped. "I want -- there's a jutsu..."

Naruto's palm covered hers, his fingers slipping between hers and squeezing, and he leaned against Sasuke's side, kissing her mouth and then his neck. "Yeah?" he replied; he voice was too rough to come out as casual.

"There's a jutsu -- for women in labor..."

Sasuke moved aside just enough to give her a puzzled look; Naruto blinked and laughed, and looked at her like he meant 'I love you'. "Getting a bit ahead of yourself here, Sakura-chan."

"Idiot! No, I meant -- meant... to stretch. The... down there." The boys stilled, stared at her. She knew her face was red all over, but she kept going anyway, even if they had no doubt understood by now. She needed to say it. "So I could... You know. ...The two of you. Together."

So they would get the same thing, at the same time. So there wouldn't be so much stupid competition to mess up the moment.

So she could be full of them both, full to bursting, and if that made her a kinky slut, well, too bad.

There was a moment of silence, and then, as she opened her mouth to ask if she'd said something wrong, Naruto swooped down and kissed her, hard and wet and hungry. She groaned in his mouth, and groaned more as Sasuke kissed her ear, her temple, Naruto's cheekbone. He bit Naruto; stole her lips to kiss her himself, and it wasn't as feral as Naruto's kisses, but so full of tightly controlled intensity that she ended up moaning anyway. And then Naruto nipped the corner of Sasuke's mouth and licked hers and Sasuke retaliated. She drowned in their kisses and their mingled breaths, wrapping her arms around their necks desperately as she stopped trying to keep track of whose lips were on whose.

It could have gone on forever -- Sasuke's body on hers, Naruto's hand worming its way between them to caress her stomach, her chest, their breaths on her skin and her fingers digging into their backs; but eventually Naruto broke away with a deep gasping breath. He sat up, legs crossed, and grinned at them innocently, his erection jutting out between his legs.

"So, about that jutsu!"

Sasuke took a deep breath and released it slowly, regaining control. Sakura giggled, nervous and aroused. "Alright. Alright." She gave Sasuke a tight hug, and then, regretful, nudged him. He rolled off her, giving her space to do the hand seals.

Ram, Ox, Serpent -- a hand trailing on her belly. She gave a tortured whimper. "Sasuke-kun! Can't concentrate!"

Naruto was bouncing impatiently on her other side; he barked out a laugh and slapped Sasuke's hand as if he were a bad boy stealing from the cookie jar. "Naughty, naughty Sasuke!"

She wasn't sure she'd shaped all the seals right because she couldn't look away from the two of them. If they started fighting again now she would kill them, kill them dead -- "There, done!" she exclaimed shrilly. She sat up, knees shaking, feeling the tingle of the jutsu resonating with the tingle of her arousal. "So -- how...?"

"Alright. Cool. Er."

They all looked at each other, aroused and lost. Naruto laughed again, short and sharp and not all that amused; Sakura chuckled along nervously. Sasuke didn't make a sound, of course, but his silence was heavy with echoing meaning.


Naruto shot out of the bed, snagging Sasuke's ankle on the way, and pulled sharply. Sasuke's head glanced off the wall; he swore and kicked, foot scything the air, but Naruto had been expecting it and blocked. The blond kept on pulling until Sasuke's ass was about to come off the bed, along with half the blankets.

"What the hell--"

"Don't move!"

Naruto leaned over Sasuke, a hand on the mattress by his waist, glaring down at him -- and when Sasuke tried to kick again, Naruto caught his erection and pumped it roughly. Sasuke's body went rigidly still as he fought the need to thrust.

"Who's the one who knows about porn and threesomes stuff, huh? That's me, and we don't got a hundred possibilities here. We'll switch later or something, when you two get the hang of it." Sasuke glared at him, but didn't try to move again; Naruto smiled in approval, and for a fleeting second didn't look as manic and annoying as he usually did. Sakura bit her lip as she watched Sasuke break eye contact in tacit capitulation. "Hey, Sakura-chan. C'mon." Naruto squatted between Sasuke's feet, and grinned up at Sakura, his fist closed around the base of Sasuke's cock. "Holding him still for you and all."

She reddened. He would be at eye level for -- for -- "Voyeur."

"I'm going to kill you," Sasuke added, quite conversationally, as he scowled at the ceiling.

His pale skin was flushed with arousal and anger, and his black hair messily spread on the white sheets; Sakura admired him for a few seconds. He'd always been almost too beautiful to be true.

Now that it was happening, it seemed surreal to her. She moved closer hesitantly; she touched his chest, gentle, cautious. He looked up at her, with none of the anger he always held between Naruto and himself. She spread her fingers over his heart, and then when Naruto wound an arm around her bare hips and tugged her closer, she moved to straddle Sasuke.

She knelt there, hovering over his hips. He watched her, neutral, indecipherable


His hands crept up her thighs, settled on her hips; he nudged her down. She paused briefly as the tip of his cock -- aimed by Naruto -- nudged her wet lips. She couldn't breathe. It was almost everything she'd ever dreamed. It wasn't anything like she had dreamed it.

Naruto's chest pressed against her back, and he kissed her neck soothingly. "You can say it, if we're going too fast," he mumbled against her skin.

"Don't be silly," she retorted; her voice was trembling a bit. She wanted to say, 'The jutsu won't last forever.' But in the end, she chuckled, and said instead, "We paid for the night, not the month, remember?"

There it was -- a smile, fleeting, on Sasuke's face. Warmth in his eyes, somewhere down below, under the wariness and the annoyance and the ever present safety distance. This was all she really needed. She smiled shakily at him and sank down on his erection.

She'd had things up there before; tampons, her own fingers -- hell, even a couple of conveniently cylinder-shaped objects. It didn't hurt. But it was so strange. He was so warm and -- there was this indistinct mass of adjectives -- soft, silky, hard, stiff, beating -- alive, Sasuke's life and Sasuke's presence and Sasuke inside her -- and she had always thought that these words were so trite and cliché and yet she couldn't find any other way to describe any of it. It -- Sasuke's -- was slowly pushing its way inside her, and all -- snug -- and tight, and wet, and oh. Oh.

Sasuke's hands were clenched on her hips, almost hard enough to leave bruises; she wanted him to tighten his grip just that little bit more. Her own hands dug into his shoulders as she finally settled down across his hips.

Sasuke's jaw was clenched, his muscles tense under hers, as if he wanted to fling her off -- or maybe just flip them over. But she could feel Naruto's warmth against her back, and then his skin against hers, his front molded to her back, his cock nestled in the cleft of her buttocks. She moaned again, rocking back against him, and whimpered when Sasuke thrust up in response.

"Move a bit, babe," Naruto whispered, pushing her hips forwards with his own, making her rock on Sasuke's lap. He lapped at the sweat pearling on her neck, his hand running over her leg, teasing the place where her leg pressed on Sasuke's hip. When his fingers trailed their way up her inner thigh, ruffling her pubic hair and Sasuke's, she couldn't help but look down in shock, and moaned at the sight of his fingers playing with black and pink curls.


"Who knew he'd be a tease," Sasuke growled; he was still glaring studiously at the ceiling and pretending that they didn't exist, that he wasn't up to the root in Sakura and that Naruto wasn't caressing them both.

She wasn't sure what Naruto did next -- behind, under her -- but it seemed to make Sasuke forget about his contemplation of the ceiling. He bucked up, making her choke on a strangled scream. She tried to move with his thrusts, but they were too fast and erratic -- up until the moment he wrenched his control back and froze again.

At least he was acknowledging them again; teeth bared, eyes flashing red -- just a little, just enough. Naruto pushed her down on top of Sasuke; she was trapped between them both as Sasuke tried to sit up and Naruto pressed against her back with his whole weight. She was a kunoichi; she could take it. But the way they struggled around her, muscles bunching and rolling, harsh panting breaths, quick bites and feral thrusts -- Naruto's erection rubbing in the cleft of her buttocks, Sasuke's still filling her...

"Enough! Enough," she panted as Sasuke almost managed to roll them over. "Naruto -- please -- please."

"Well -- 'f you ask so nicely..."

She squealed in shock as the tip of Naruto's cock made its way down her crack, nudged her entrance. She could feel it, rubbing and teasing at the skin that was stretched around Sasuke's own erection.

Sasuke's hand flitted up and caressed her cheek; she pushed herself up to look into his eyes, and melted when he kissed her, slow and almost tender.

She wouldn't have thought Naruto could fit, even despite the jutsu; her flesh felt snug enough around Sasuke. She arched her back, to help, and then the head of Naruto's cock pressed in.

The jutsu was still active; her body stretched under the slow, unrelenting push, even though every inch felt like it would be the one that would end up too much.


She smiled against Sasuke's shoulder, eyes closed. "No."

Sasuke's voice was rough in her ear. "Promise."

"I promise."

Naruto couldn't fit all the way in; there was no way for him to press his hips close enough that didn't require severe straining of a few joints. But there was more than enough for Sakura to moan, for Sasuke's muscles to strain under her with the badly leashed need to buck up.

When Naruto started moving, Sasuke stopped trying not to. She couldn't go far, trapped between them; she did her best anyway. Naruto's and Sasuke's rhythms didn't mesh, and she didn't know which one to try to match.

She needed to move, keep moving, keep pushing herself back on them. Sasuke's mouth was on her neck, Naruto's cheek against her shoulder blade and his hands on her breasts, and Sasuke's arms squeezing both waists, and oh, who cared about meshing rhythms as long as they kept being there, inside her, as long as their frantic thrusts never slowed down. Naruto slipped out once, and Sasuke groaned, and she couldn't help but whimper as they rubbed -- pushed, struggled -- against each other, and she held them both inside her, together.

They were kissing over her shoulder; heavy breathing and wet lips parting and meeting again just beside her ear. When she came, she bit down hard on Sasuke's jaw, and knew people would talk, and loved it.

Naruto didn't take long to follow her, swearing up a storm as he lost control -- thrusting so hard her body shook, and the aftershocks of her pleasure were almost as good as her first orgasm.

Sasuke growled a protest when they both went limp on top of him, managed somehow to tip Naruto off the pile. Sakura tried to keep riding him, but he rolled to the side, pushing her against Naruto's side, in Naruto's arms. He slipped out for a second, but that didn't last long; and then he was back inside her. She couldn't feel much, still numb from her own afterglow, but she watched his face, traced the imprint of her teeth as his eyes closed tight and his lips parted.

He rolled on his back again slowly, panting, and she flopped on her stomach, deprived of support. She ended up with her knees on the floor -- they were too close to the edge of the bed -- but she was too tired to move any farther. Her legs were still trembling.

There was a thump on her other side as Naruto slipped off the bed. Sakura giggled tiredly; he was propped up with his side against the mattress, legs splayed in front of him, head lolling, and a smile on his lips she had never seen before. It looked -- tender. Tender and proud and amused and a little rueful, and -- happy. Really, truly happy. And she managed a little smile back, because somehow if she tried more she would probably end up crying.

"... My dick is chafed raw."

Sasuke groaned from her other side. The bed moved as he pushed himself up on his elbows. Sakura could see Naruto making faces at him over her body, but lifting her head seemed too much of an effort right now, and she could guess at Sasuke's expression pretty well anyway. She closed her eyes, listening to their still too-fast breathing, expecting the insults to start flying any second now.

It was hard not to notice the sudden silence from Naruto's side of the room, breathing included. When she opened her eyes to check on him, it was also hard to miss what exactly he was looking at. She squeaked and scrambled on the bed, sitting quickly and pulling a pillow on her lap for camouflage. She was getting the sheets all wet, and the thought of what the maids would think made her blush red, even though they were probably expecting it.

"Naruto! Don't --" She was getting the sheets wet with semen. His semen, and Sasuke's, and it was still dripping out of her. She squeezed her thighs, face burning.

Naruto whined. "Oh, come on, that's not fair!"

"Stop being a pervert," Sasuke growled. Naruto huffed at him.

"Yeah, look at me in the eye and tell me you're not gonna jack off to that as soon as you can get it up again. It was the hottest thing ever."

"You're such a fucking -- goddamnit, Naruto, have a little class, okay, not everyone likes being treated like a porn star!"

Sakura flinched. Not two minutes after sex and they were arguing again -- Sasuke defending her modesty by reminding her that she'd probably looked like the poster child for 'spent and used', with her legs dangling over the edge of the bed and semen dripping down her thighs.

"It's not about -- I didn't think it was sleazy! It's just -- it's -- it's you'n'me, y'know?" Naruto's tone went from defensive to awkward, and the tension fell again. Sasuke looked away, a faint flush rising to his cheeks, and Sakura sighed.

"... It's alright. I just didn't expect it. You really are a voyeur," she added with an embarrassed little laugh. "And -- ahh, just come here." She patted the bed at her side; Naruto climbed on the mattress and curled around her, drawing her in the tightest bear hug ever.

Sakura nuzzled his shoulder softly and petted his hair; Naruto melted. It made her laugh a little; she had expected him to be cuddlier than Sasuke was, of course, but that still didn't quite cover how cuddly he could get.

She was still trying to think of a way to invite Sasuke to join them -- a pat to the mattress, maybe, or even just a look -- when the bed dipped. Sasuke sat there against the wall, arms crossed defensively, a forbidding expression on his face.

Sasuke didn't cuddle, she knew that; but being enveloped in Naruto's arms, and feeling Sasuke's strong shoulder against hers, supporting her as she leaned under Naruto's weight... it was as perfect as it ever got.

"... So, how do we do the next one?"

Sasuke and Sakura stared at Naruto. He was grinning guilelessly, one of his hands on Sasuke's shoulder and the other on Sakura's hip.

"What? We still have the room for the rest of the night. Say, Sasuke, how d'you feel about learning to suck cock?"