Harry Potter Crack Drabbles

Only one ficlet left to post after this one, and then i'll actually have to think up new ones. x.x Uwah, it's harder to think em up than it was.

Sexy no Jutsu part 2

By breakfast the next morning, the story had circulated through more than half the Hogwarts population, and the rest were quickly updated. Exhausted after a night spent scaling the Quidditch stands and hoops, watching, with her heart in her throat, Sasuke do backflips and other acrobatics through the branches of a vicious tree that she had just learned was named the Whomping Willow, and freeing Naruto from a lonely Squid's tentacles -- Sakura wasn't in the mood to indulge the gossip mongers. The story had apparently just hit the Gryffindors, with whom Team Seven was eating this morning. So when Ron Weasley turned to face them and ask if "Naruto had really...", she only groaned and let her forehead hit the table.

Naruto was too busy gorging himself to reply to his housemate, and no one in the Lion's house ever addressed Sasuke directly or even openly acknowledged his existence -- except the first years who ran from him with terrified squeals -- so in the end, Ron tapped her shoulder again.

"Ah, are you okay?"

"Yes, fine, fine," she grumbled. "Just tired, is all. And yes, Naruto really did."

Harry Potter blinked at them, looking mildly confused, and Hermione Granger -- with whom Sakura had been feuding since they'd tried to check out the same obscure books -- gave a disdainful sniff.

"He really turned into a naked chick?"

Sakura nodded glumly, still remembering her humiliation. She'd been so ashamed by the way her housemates had been staring and whispering that she'd just grabbed Naruto and ran out of the Ravenclaw tower before a teacher could come. She hadn't even bothered finding her shoes, or other clothes than her nightdress.

At least Sasuke had been nice enough to bully Naruto into lending her his jacket. She would have preferred Sasuke's shirt, but at least that way everyone had at least one layer on. Ahh, Sasuke could be so caring sometimes... A shame he was so shy he needed to hide it with that gruff attitude of his.

"You really did?" Now it was Dean.

Naruto hummed happily and nodded in reply, too busy stuffing food down his throat to reply.

"Can you all do that?"

"Certainly not," Sasuke snapped back, making the Gryffindors start and give him wary looks. "That's the idiot's specialty."

Ron coughed, scowled at the Slytherin who dared reminding them that he existed, then pulled together enough bravery to ask his question. "So you mean, he's like a girlymagus or something?"

Sakura opened her mouth to explain that no, he wasn't, it was a jutsu -- kind of like a spell but not really, because... because...

"...Or something," she agreed wearily.

"Or he's just a moronmagus," Sasuke added before finishing his bowl and kicking Naruto in the shin.


"Stop making us answer for you, stupid."

Sakura was grateful when the brief struggle didn't end in an all-out battle and started digging into her breakfast without much enthusiasm.

She only pulled out of her daze when the fatidic "sure, I'll show you!" words hit her ear, and turned toward Naruto in alarm.

"No, not in the great--"


"... hall..."