Harry Potter Crack Drabbles

:D I'm, um, kind of running out? I've got another part typed out after this one, and two more ideas/half-typed things, but after this, I don't know. Will try to find a bunny with Snape though, but I'm welcoming other suggestions.

Sexy no Jutsu part 1

Sakura had spent the evening in the library, fighting over books with that Gryffindor girl who hung out with Potter a lot. Apparently they'd had the same idea for that extra credit assignment. Then she'd stayed up late in the common room, trying to finish all her homework for the week so that she could patrol the next evenings. She was sleepy.

Which meant that when the alarm sounded, making her burst out of her bed with a kunai in each hand, she was pretty much Not Happy.

"Ah -- that's the boy alarm," Mandy informed her sleepily.

"The... boy alarm?" she repeated, as she cracked the door open and glanced quickly outside. The stairs, she noticed with amazement, had disappeared, replaced with a smooth surface that seemed as slippery as ice.

"Yes, apparently a boy got the wrong dormitories," Padma added sarcastically, and rolled on her other side, spelling her drapes shut and casting a Silencing charm on them.

A second after the stairs returned to normal, the alarm honked again and then they disappeared once again. Sakura was rather amazed. There were skidding and scratching noises as someone tried to fight his way up, and a loud thump, and then Sakura could hear swearing at the bottom, five stories down. It wasn't in English, and besides she recognized the voice.

"It's warded against boys, Naruto," she called as quietly as possible.

"Oh yeah?" he called back, not at all quietly. She could hear other people trying to talk him out of it, but he didn't listen. Then there was a poof and a chakra flare, and an outburst of several male voices and a seventh year girl squealing in shock. Sakura caught the worlds "girl" and "naked", and thus wasn't so surprised when Naruko joined her, all bright grin and shiny long hair and indecently generous curves, sticking to the slick slope with hands and feet, and only wearing quickly dissipating wisps of smoke.

"Moron! You could have asked me to come down!" she screeched -- quietly -- as she whapped the boy-turned-girl over the head.

"... Oh, yeah."

"What the hell are you doing in here anyway?" she asked, shoving him out of the bedroom and on the landing to close the door behind her, not wanting her roommates to ask questions.

"Well, uh, Sasuke and me, we're planning a recon of the grounds, outside I mean, so, yeah, wanna come with? Ron told me there's a giant squid, isn't that so cool!" he added, bouncing.

Sakura stepped back to avoid being knocked out by his boobs. Well gee, it was nice of them to ask, but maybe they could have warned her, or timed it on a day where she hadn't worked like crazy. "And why didn't you just stick to the wall or the roof anyway?"

"Hey, I tried that, I'm not completely stupid. I didn't stick, that's all."

"Well, turn back, idiot," she grumbled. "You -- WAIT NO DON'T--"

Too late. The second Naruto let go of the jutsu, the staircases disappeared again and this time they both slid down the winding slope to the bottom, tumbling out on the common room's blue carpet.

"... Just so you know, Naruto," she gritted out as she tried to squirm out from under him and push her nightdress down her thighs at the same time, "I... really, REALLY... HATE... you..."