Harry Potter Crack Drabbles

Ahh, the Sorting. :D

The Sorting

"Remind me again, if we are to be bodyguards, why we need to be 'Sorted', as they say?" Sasuke scowled as he joined Sakura at her table, pretending not to be surprised that his tie had changed colors and that the empty crest over his heart was now suddenly sporting a silver and green snake. He didn't know what any of that meant, but he didn't care. The casual display of magic, though, left him irritated, as well as very very mildly unnerved.
"Well, to fit in, obviously," Sakura replied, smoothing her white blouse with the eagle on it.

Sasuke glared a guy, who was looking at them as if he wanted to berate them, into sitting back down and looking away, and then glared some more at all the people sitting at that table, who were also staring at the two of them, trying to understand the weird language they were speaking.

"... Though it might be too late for that," she acknowledged with a sigh.

"GRYFFINDOR," yelled the hat, and Sakura winced at Sasuke's murderous expression. Maybe it had told him things he didn't want to hear, though she had found it to be a most agreeable person... being... hat, during the whole ten minutes they had chatted to determine if she was best suited to Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. She didn't, after all, know enough to have a pre-made opinion.

"You have pink hair. You can't fit in," Sasuke retorted moodily, and opened his robes, knotting the ends over the small of his back to keep them out of the way.

"Hehe, that looks silly," Naruto commented as he sat on Sakura's other side.

"You'll find it less silly when you tangle your feet in yours and I kick your face in."

"Whoa, someone is cranky," Naruto commented, and started digging into his food happily.

The guy facing Sasuke opened his mouth again, this time addressing Naruto in English. "Uh, excuse me, but you're a Gryffindor, and -- he's a Slytherin --"

"And so what," Sasuke hissed, fingering the wand in his pocket. It was too dull to stab properly with, but it should leave painful bruises if he went at it hard enough.

"Well you shouldn't -- you shouldn't..."

Another girl at his far side piped up. "What he's saying is, you should be with your own houses!"

Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto blinked at each other, and then Naruto turned toward the girl. "I should eat with the lion guys, and him with the snake guys?"

"Well, yes," she replied, apparently relaxing when he didn't bite her face off. Sasuke wasn't looking pleased, though.

"I'm not moving now."

The girl wilted. "Ah, uhm, it's fine this time, but -- you will have to go with your houses later to sleep anyway. The dormitories don't allow people from other Houses and the common rooms are --"

Sasuke turned toward his comrades, totally ignoring the rest of the table, and shifted in their own language. "Remind me, AGAIN, why we need to be sorted? This will impede our freedom of movements--"

Naruto snorted in between two mouthfuls. "If you can't get out of there, then you're a lousy ninja. I bet I can sneak out before you can!"

"... You're on, moron. Whatever. Besides I had a feeling that crazy old man actually wants us to go to class."

"Uhm, well, yes," Sakura nodded. "Kakashi-sensei told me he expected to see us behave properly in his classroom, so I assume..."

Sasuke scowled. "One, we won't catch up on five years of lessons and besides we don't need them anyway. Two, we can't patrol when we're locked in the classrooms."

"Well yes, but maybe we're meant to protect the students--" Naruto countered.

Sakura sighed and shook her head. "In this case why isn't there one ninja per class at least? We're all in the same year, and seeing the timetable three fourths of the time two of us will be sharing the same class anyway."

"The main target is that Potter kid, though. Naruto, you're in his house, you keep close to him. Sakura, we'll patrol --"

"But we'll need to skip classes!" she replied, chagrined.

"... err, Sakura-chan... What are you going to do with the best way to flick a wand and stuff? We don't even have those at home." Naruto sighed, sprawling on the table. "Man, I wish I could skip too. It's gonna be so boring in class."

"Have you read Potter's file?" Sasuke asked, rolling his eyes.

"Uh, yeeeeah?"

That meant no. "Given his records, there's a good chance you'll end up skipping too."

Sakura gave Naruto's shoulder a quick consoling pat and got on her feet to follow her housemates. "You probably ended up with the most dangerous part of the job, Naruto."

"Oh, cool." The blond grinned widely, and jogged through the crowd to join his own. Sighing, Sasuke steeled himself and went to meet his. From the cold, calculating looks he was getting, he had a feeling he knew what the Sorting Hat based its choices on.