Harry Potter Crack Drabbles

This one is for biawutnow, who lies. There is still no plot, damn it. :p

still no plot lalala

"What's Malfoy got against you anyway?"

"Besides not being one of his bootlickers?" Sasuke snorted, dropping in the seat facing Sakura's. "And humiliating him?"

"And stealing the ladies," Naruto added with a snicker as he turned his chair around and straddled it.

Sakura blushed at the memory, and checked quickly that the librarian was still out of earshot. Her teammates kept bantering casually as they pulled out paper and quills, unmindful of the few other students currently studying at other tables.

"... yeah, about that. You shove me in your boobs again and I'll shove your face through a wall."

"Aw, come on, they're perfectly nice boobies."

"They're your 'boobies', and last time I checked you were still male. It's disturbing."

"Your face is disturbing."

Sasuke sneered at Naruto, who grinned back. Sakura refrained from replying that it was far from being what she -- and most females of both Hogwarts and Konoha -- thought.

"What was that about Malfoy?" she asked Naruto, giving Sasuke a puzzled and hopeful glance. He still hadn't looked at her even once.

"He put something in my pumpkin juice," Sasuke replied casually, and started reading his assignment.

She froze. "...W-what...?"

"You sure it was him?" Naruto asked, scratching his head with his quill.

"Who else would have the motive?" Sasuke shrugged.

"I didn't have him pegged for a killer. You sure it wasn't laxatives or something?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Just because that's what you'd do... I don't know what the hell it was, but it can't have been good."

"... but -- how did you know...?"

Sasuke finally glanced at her, eyes cool and disinterested. "I'm a ninja, Sakura. As if I can't notice when something has been slipped in my drink. It smelled wrong, the color was off. It would have been pathetic to miss that."


Sakura shriveled on her seat, and discreetly shoved the "Love Potions" book at the bottom of her bag.