The ficlets are kinda pointless, but the scenes were floating around in my head and I needed to make sure my keyboard wasn't getting rusty, so...

Locker Room Therapy : Tsunade

"My office, young men," Principal Tsunade says as they're sneaking back in the main building.

They're late even for the class that comes after math. Naruto sneaks a glance at Sasuke, meeting his eyes briefly. Oops.

They don't bother talking as they follow her up the stairs. Anything they can say would be incriminating in some way or other.

"Sit," she says once the office door is closed. They sit. "Now I'm curious to know why you skipped two classes. I'm sure it was a good reason," she adds, sarcastic.

Naruto feels himself redden. He doesn't think telling her 'we were exchanging handjobs and therapy' is gonna get them very far. He hems and haws, scratching his neck.

Tsunade glances at the scars on his cheeks and tears her eyes away; her expression is unchanged, but for a second Naruto feels like curling up on himself anyway.

Sasuke moves his chair, and in the process he kicks his ankle. Ow. Ass. It's a distraction though. Naruto grins awkwardly, trying to look disarming. "Um. I didn't know it was two classes, I mean, I thought it was just the one..."

Tsunade lifts her hand to stop him and stares at Sasuke. "Mister Uchiha?"

Sasuke's chin is up, his tone all cold and cultured, his face like a stone wall so smooth you know there's no way you're gonna climb it and see what's behind. "Nothing very interesting, ma'am."

Naruto winces a little. It's not like he wants to tell her anything either, but that's totally guaranteed to piss her off. For a second she looks really irritated -- and then her eyes zero in on Naruto's neck and she goes from irritated to coldly murderous.

"So he gained those brand new bruises in a totally uninteresting way, then?"


Sasuke's eyes stay on hers, not even glancing Naruto's way. "... I suppose so. I wouldn't know."

Naruto bites his lip really hard to keep from blurting out 'You bastard, you gave me hickeys!' Bastard, bastard, bastard! He stares at the floor to hide his embarrassment, bristling. It's the last time he's letting him --

"... This is beyond the pale, Uchiha," Principal Tsunade says.

Naruto's head jerks up at her soft, dangerous tone. What?

"Go wait in the corridor. I'll have your parents pick you up. You're suspended for a week."

Naruto kinda assumed that she thinks they were fighting -- kind of right and yet completely wrong, but that's okay because he so doesn't want her to know what they really were doing. But no, it's worse than that. She thinks Sasuke was bullying him. He shoots to his feet.


But Sasuke walks out without a word. Naruto stares at his back, eyes wide with shock.

"Naruto, sit down."

And she seems so tired and patient, and she's never that patient with him. Naruto plants his hands on Tsunade's desk and stares at her, anger growing. "I gave as good as I got! So if you give him a week then you give me a week too -- what the hell?!"

"You have the benefit of attenuating circumstances that he does not."

Naruto stares at her. So... He gets a pass on fighting, because he's ... Distraught? Emotional?

"Shit, no."

Tsunade scowls. "Language, Mister Uzumaki."

"Language, what the hell! You're not gonna punish just him for a fight we both had! What am I, some poor little cripple? I don't need to be coddled!"

Then there's more screams and he thinks at some point he must have gestured too wildly because her paper towers fly off the desk and spread all over the room.

Then he ends up in the corridor with Sasuke, waiting for his own parents. Whatthefuckever.

They've been ordered to stay totally silent. Sasuke just shrugs and swings his leg, and in a flash Naruto realizes -- thinks? hopes? -- that if they'd been allowed to sit close enough for it to look natural, he would totally nudge Naruto's leg with his.

For a second it makes Naruto a little giddy, and he grins. Sasuke sneaks him a look like he has zero clue what's making him happy. For that matter, Naruto isn't very sure either. Hello, emo-gay-bastard rival here, it's kinda weird to get giggly at the thought that he might have wanted to play footsie. Oh, if that's the kind of mood Naruto gets in for a handjob, he doesn't want to know how ridiculous he'd get if a mouth was involved.

He tries not to think about that too har -- too much. Because it would be embarrassing to explain it to Dad.

His dad.

"Oh shit."

He jumps on his feet; the secretary gives him a reproving frown. "Mister Uzumaki, what on Earth...?"

It's not her he turns to and explains, though; it's Sasuke, who's sitting there watching him with his eyebrow quirked up funny. "Dad's coming -- I gotta--"

"They sell hair dye at the corner store," Sasuke answers before he can finish, like it makes so much sense he doesn't know why Naruto even bothers trying to explain it. It makes a grin bloom on Naruto's face, one he can't stop and he isn't even sure why.

"Tell them I'll be right back!" he yells as he takes off running down the corridor. He thinks Shizune is yelling something at him, but his feet make too much noise to make out the words. At least that's his story and he'll stick to it.

He heard Sasuke's "Like hell I will, tell them yourself!" just fine, but he knows the bastard will make sure his parents know not to worry anyway.

For an asshole, Sasuke is kind of alright, really.