This one was written first for the Ten AUs meme, but being OCD I decided since I couldn't post it with the rest I might as well take it out of that set and write another to replace it. Ahahaha i'm insane. DX

Locker Room Therapy : Pet Names

"... Bunny?"

Sasuke's eyebrows twitch.

Naruto gives him a long considering look. "Hm, nah. Sugarplum?"

Another twitch.

"Yeah, you're right, why a plum. You're not really plumlike. Baby?"

"Shut up, Uzumaki," Sasuke whispers between clenched teeth. The teacher walks past slowly, glancing at them as he lectures. Sasuke's head bows to pretend he's looking at his notes. Naruto just watches him.

"Aw, seriously, nothing fits." He nudges Sasuke's foot under the table, and quickly folds it back safely under his chair. Sasuke's kick scythes past real close. "Tiger? Yeah, that's more manly."

"Will you fucking stop it."

"I gotta find something! 'Partner of mutual orgasms' is, like, way too long."

Naruto's voice got kinda loud there. This time it's Sasuke's shoulders that twitch -- almost closer to a flinch, in fact. "We're in CLASS," he whispers, like their neighbors haven't already heard and aren't snickering.

"That'll learn you to pretend you don't know me," Naruto drawls right back, not even making an effort to be quiet anymore.

Sasuke glares at a couple of interested classmates and then leans toward Naruto and hisses angrily in his ear, "I'm trying to protect your reputation, retard."

Naruto stares at him for a second.

"...You asked for it. HEY GUYS! CHECK THIS OUT."

Then he leans in and he kisses Sasuke full on the mouth, tongue and all.

He pulls back after at least thirty seconds (okay, maybe fifteen, but that's still damn long when he's expecting to get bitten any second), grins brightly, pretends his heart isn't beating its way through his throat. "So I was thinking... my little pumpkin?"

The class is full of catcalls and furious whisperings. Sakura squeals. Sai starts sketching. Naruto lets it wash over him; Sasuke is still staring, face blank with shock.

"Unless you're okay with 'boyfriend' after all."

Sasuke's mouth opens. No sound comes out for like a hour and thirty seconds. Or at least thirty seconds. And then his bastard blushes, and even as he grits out "I'm going to kill you" he nods a little bit.

(Some guys send the 'fag' word flying, but Kiba's fist flies back just as quickly.)

Naruto is still grinning like a loon when the spine of a book hits him in the head.

"Congratulations," says their teacher. "May I offer you the pleasure of a date, this evening, in our charming detention room?"

Naruto mutters annoyedly as Kakashi claps his hands and regains control of the classroom, but Sasuke is still all red and flustered like Naruto never dreamed he could get, so even when the bastard revenge-kicks his ankle he still can't stop grinning.