Baby Meme!/Locker Room Therapy

For Charcoalcat, who asked for "Naruto/Sasuke(lockerroomtherapy'verse) - Runaway ".

Uzumaki Takashi

"Can a cop even be a fag?"

Naruto stops in the doorway, mouth already open to protest. Sasuke keeps chopping up carrots with ingrained regularity, not missing a beat. "Looks like. Set the table. Plates are over here."

"It's not allowed," the kid says, and doesn't make a move to get up from the kitchen table.

"Making you work for your supper?" Sasuke replies, missing the point quite deliberately. "If you're not sick and you can't set the table, you're obviously not hungry enough."

Naruto stop teetering on the edge of yelling, closes his mouth, and starts trying not to laugh instead. A frown appears on the kid's face.

"I bet you anything the other cops don't know. They wouldn't let you otherwise."

Cut, cut, cut. "I want you to set the table. Pay up."

Out of sight in the doorway, Naruto bites his fist to keep from laughing.

"Whaat?!" the kid protests, or whines, it's a close call.

"Naruto and I have the same address. They're cops. Think they wouldn't notice a clue like that?"

"That's not a win! Naruto doesn't look like a fag. They prolly think you're just roommates!"

"Also there's the fact that I took him as my date at this year's award ceremony." Chop, chop. Slide all the little bits in waiting pan. "He kissed me when I came down from the platform."


"With tongue. Table's waiting."


Thump, the front feet of the chair lands back on the floor. The kid drags his feet like they weigh eight tons each and starts rooting through the cupboards.

Naruto waits a couple of seconds, and comes fully into the room. Sasuke flicks him a look, and for a second Naruto could swear Sasuke is considering the pros and cons of kissing him hello. He doesn't know if he should encourage him or run off. Sasuke in vindictive mode can be very, um, proactive. Adventurous even. Which he almost never is.

On the other hand, years of therapy to pay for.

He drops his hand on Takashi's head and grins. "Hey there. Getting along yet?"

"Yeah, sure," he grumbles, and dutifully lays down the forks. Naruto turns his grin to Sasuke.

"It's fine," Sasuke replies, but when Naruto walks past to get napkins he whispers in his ear "Fair warning, you're bottoming tonight."

It's really hard to explain to Takashi exactly why he spends half the meal blushing, and the rest kicking his stepdad-to-be under the table.

One thing he never thought he'd need when he decided to become Takashi's dad: a ball-gag.