First ficlet I wrote, but it's mostly cracky silliness. I might rewrite it later if I feel like it.

Ordinary Uzumaki Day

So when Kiba saw two blond heads bouncing in tandem down the street, one spiky and the other one pony-tailed, the only reason he did a doubletake was that, at first, he'd registered the second one as Ino with a boob job.

Which, uh, yeah.

On second look it was only one of Naruto's idiotic sexy no jutsu clones. Shoulda guessed. Then again they did look different when dressed. Rolling his eyes, he kept walking, following Akamaru's leisurely trot.

Of course two seconds later Naruto was hailing him, and man but his voice carried.

"Hey, Naruto," he said, watching the male one, though he couldn't say he was one hundred percent sure Naruto hadn't switched it off so the real one would be the chick. Naruto did like playing with assumptions, and after their little run she was breathing hard in a remarkably realistic way.


"Kiba!" exclaimed the male Naruto. "Kiba, you've got to help!"

Kiba and his dog tilted their heads together. "Yeah?"

"Have you seen me?"

Kiba blinked. Okay, that was a new one. "Nope."

"You sure? -- ah, but not me-me. More like--"

"A redhead me," said the girl clone.

She was wearing clingy black shorts and an oversized boy's t-shirt, which was really unusual. When Naruto dressed his clones, it tended to be with stuff like bikinis (or one time bondage gear. Naruto's jutsu was really stupid, but Kiba didn't deny that he also happened to be a red-blooded male led around quite often by his dick. Stupid or not he appreciated the concept just the same.)

"A redhead you. Uh huh. Lemme guess, your kage bunshins magically became real people and took off for the hills. Through a hair salon."

Naruto flailed his arms in agitation. "Damn it, I'm not kidding!"

"He's really not!" said the girl, and pouted at Kiba. It was at least a seven on the 'you evil monster' guilt trip scale, damn Naruto for knowing how to play those heartstrings so well!

"Shyeah right!" he retorted, advancing on the duo. "Like I haven't been tricked enough by your stupid kage bunshi... Uh."

The clone blinked at him. She had huuuge eyelashes. Also, no bra.

"...Why," Kiba demanded, "is this going squish instead of poof."

There was a short moment of total silence, during which the male Naruto stared at Kiba's hand, and Kiba stared at Kiba's hand as well, with its fingers digging in boobage, and the girl Naruto blinked.



Kiba retreated to the other side of the street, hyperventilating just a tiny bit. Holy shit.

"--Okay, haha, you got me, very funny. Now how the hell did you DO that?"

Akamaru sniffed at the girl's bare knee, tilted his head in confusion, and barked.

"... You... didn't do that?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" replied the boy Naruto, flinging his hands in the air.

"Um, no, you weren't," said the girl.

"Shaddap, you," said the boy. Kiba whimpered. "Anyway, the other me, he's. Actually he's not really me-like. He's kinda, uh, glary?" He used his fingers to tug at the corners of his eyes, making them narrower and rather stupid-looking.

"Just with red hair," continued the girl, bouncing on her toes for no reason Kiba could discern, save that she seemed just as hyperactive as boy-Naruto. With just as much bra-wearing. "Well, technically it's more like something between light brown and orange, so orangeish, but you see what I mean. Kinda... Burnished? Is that the word I want?"

"How the hell should I know?" boy-Naruto growl-whined back. "I didn't even know we knew that word!"


The ... twins? clones? twins? stared at him in tandem, blinking identical blue eyes.

"Now what the hell is going on?" He pointed at the chick. "You're -- real?"

She pouted at him, looking a little hurt. He huffed and crossed his arms defensively. "Okay, you're real, you're real. I meant. Not a kage bunshin?" He was gonna have to add new levels to that scale of 'you big mean monster, you' if she kept escalating it.

"Oh, no, no. I'm Kyuubi."

She smiled. With dimples.

Kiba's brain broke a little.

"Well." She paused, pursed her lips, playing absently with a long ponytail as she thought. "Just half of Kyuubi, technically."

"Aha. Ha. Oh. Just half! Well, if that's all DAMN IT I FELL FOR IT AGAIN."

He shook his fist at Naruto, ready to punch that smile off.

Naruto wasn't smiling. In fact, he was kind of... whimpering. Also, tugging on his hair with both hands. Kind of like what Kiba wanted to do right now, actually. Copycat.

"It's not a jooooke damn it, help me, we need to find him already!"

The girl sighed, grabbed Kiba's elbow, and started dragging him down the street. "When there's a big great scroll, and it's supposed to be sealing half your chakra away, and someone says, Kiba, don't touch it... Well. Don't touch it."

The worst thing was, if you had known Naruto long enough, it made total sense.

"... My head hurts. Goddamn it, Naruto, why do you always do this to me." He wasn't sure which one to glare at, so he glared at the boy, who was trudging his way at Kiba's other side. (it was hard glaring at the girl when he could feel his arm cushioned against the side of her boob.) Akamaru faithfully took it upon himself to glare at the girl in his stead.

He was having all sort of thoughts on where the boy shirt had come from, because the spandex shorts weren't Naruto's -- Sakura's, most likely, and if Sakura had to lend a pair it meant the girl had popped into existence without any. Aaand it just so happened Naruto was shirtless under his jacket, and Kiba was thinking way too hard about the likely absence of panties lines on those shorts and how much he wasn't going to check, really he wasn't. Goddamnit, Naruto. Both of them.

Naruto kept trudging ahead, shoulders bowed as if carrying the world, and only very reluctantly so.

Girl-Naruto watched her sort-of-twin for a second, and sighed, and then a determined light started burning in his eyes. Kiba cringed.

"You know what?" she whispered in a caressing voice that sent shivers down to his toes. (Mostly from how scared shitless his own reaction to her made him. She was either a trap or a demon, and it worked anyway. Damn it, Naruto.) "The faster you find him for us, the sooner you can go home and drink yourself to sleep and forget aaaall about it. How's that? You just have to track him down and we'll handle the rest and tomorrow it'll have been just a silly dream."

She hugged his biceps a little tighter.

"Yeah, that sounds very tempting," he agreed, sadly. "But the only reason you smell different from Naruto is that you smell girly. And I can tell that you guys have been spending I don't know how many hours running all over the place. So unless your third twin's a dickgirl, it ain't gonna happen."

Suddenly the two were planted in the middle of the street, heels dug in, letting him carry on with his momentum. The girl was still holding his arm; he almost got whiplash for his troubles.

"Couldn't you say that sooner?!"

Akamaru whined and rubbed a paw against his ear. Kiba was tempted to do the same. He was pretty sure boy-Naruto had hit a higher note than his counterpart.

Two seconds later he and his dog were alone in the middle of the street, watching the wonder twins tear off, throwing insults to him and each other. They seemed to have a dispute going on about the wisdom of fessing up to Tsunade.

... It was good advice. Bed. Alcohol. Never happened.


(damn but he really hated Naruto's ability to make awesome hot chicks.

Should get him to do it more often.)