Anonymous asked you:
Dadbert and the children. kissing booboos (or dad/GH lol how would that make any sense GH does not scrape his knees)
(alas the GH one would have been hilarious. Couldn't figure it out though.)
~130 words, possibly canon.
"Did I... ever do that?" his/not-his father asks, voice gentle and oddly rough, and leans in over his scraped elbow.
The kiss is light and self-conscious, John and his not-father exchanging laughing-at-myself looks that end up in rueful smiles.
(Beside them Jane watches, hands on her hips and harrumphing to make sure none of them notice how misty-eyed she is. John's sure Dad (... Jane's dad?) does, too.)
"Huh," she chokes out, "You smile the same way."
John laughs an oddly burbly laugh and grins wider.
And then Karkat starts wailing, "Jegusfuck what the hell he's your lusus why are you guys kissing!!!" and his grin turns into a wild flood of a laugh, and so does his Dad's.
It doesn't help when Jane goes to pap Karkat in the face, because his stunned-speechless face is even funnier.
vehrec asked you:
Psi/Condy, awkward black romance failure.
231 words, potentially canon.
"I don't belong to you," he says, "not anymore, I won't, ever." Psychic power sparks, scoring her skintight suit, her face; she doesn't flinch. He wants to hurt her. He wants to hurt her even more for the way she isn't even lifting her claws at him, pulling out a trident, nothing.
"Of course you won't," she purrs, "Helmsman."
She leans into his space. His skin crawls. He hisses, eyes flaring, he refuses to be cowed, he won't. (Signless. Disciple. Dolorosa. Sollux. He won't.) He leans in, too, challenging, and she grins like he's so amusing, and he grits his teeth with the need to bite.
She gives him a chance when she closes the last inches, takes his mouth into a fast, savage kiss, the way she never did in all their sweeps together, the way he knew she wanted to.
He should bite back, he should snarl his contempt and his rage in her mouth, he should ...
Instead he starts crying, yellow tears mingling with yellow blood on ashy lips.
The shocked contempt on her face as she draws back hurts like the whip of a lash, but it's a clean, severing pain. He can't, now, he knows, he never could have, and when Summoner comes tearing in to shove them apart he is so intensely relieved he'll never have the chance to be goaded into trying again.
theunvanquishedzims asked you:
Summoner<>Tavros<3<Dave, slam battle.
455 words, not canon.
"I'm, uh, perhaps in the process of, you know, rethinking this," Tavros admitted quietly. His ancestor (descendant?) wound an arm around his shoulders and hugged him to his side, and Tavros thought faintly it was a good thing he was so much taller, or they'd clang horns even more than they'd just done. Also he had to turn his head a little away in order not to hit Rufioh in the chest, which might have been somewhat painful, but now that meant he couldn't lean into his chest and shake.
Which was good because he should be brave! He had a date. He had a hate-date. He had a hate-date and he was going to woo the pants off his dark intended.
"Aw, buddy, no, no rethinking, all your brain's doing is tripping you up. There, just turn it off, you know?"
"Haha, yeah. I'll try," Tavros promised, without much hope.
He could do it despite his brain, he was sure. Yes. He could.
Rufioh stepped back from him, and around his horns -- Tavros almost clocked him in the collarbone turning his head to track him -- and stepped up face to face. He cupped Tavros' jaws in his rough hands and leaned in, big and strong and sheltering -- to press warm lips to his forehead. Tavros sighed out in quiet happiness, tilted his head up into it so Rufioh's lips slipped to the bridge of his nose, dropped a little shy kiss of his own on the side of his chin.
Whatever happened, he'd have Rufioh still. Not even his brain could make him believe he wouldn't.
He smiled up at his moirail-ancestor, gave a -- he hoped, he'd practiced -- firm nod, and went, shoulders squared bravely.
"Jade Jade oh gog please help we were slamming and then Nitram Minor kisses me right on the mouth, well okay a little off-center dear jegus that was lame, and then Nitram Major gives him a thumbs up oh my god why Jade you need to kiss me to wipe the horror from my mind kiss me now come on mark your territory maybe not doggy-style but it's the same instincts right I beg you please awgh awgh awgh. Nrgh."
"... Sure, no problem, but after that we need to go after Karkat. I don't know if it's another ashy thing to stop him trying to bite off people trying to blackflirt with you but I'm kinda scared he might actually end up hate-making out with Tavros instead."
"... Okay yeah, we're going now. Kiss me later, I'm holding you to it. Damn it, Vantas, cockblocking me even when you're not there, see if I don't cockblock you right back."
Anonymous asked you:
For the kiss meme - maybe Condesce kisses Karkat to sort out her red feels? It beats listening to Kurloz whine again about not getting any. (Karkat: oh god empress is kissing, why is everyone kissing me, halp)
823 words, I have no idea re: whether it's canon at all. :X
(also yeah my Grand Highblood isn't Kurloz cause created before we even met him but i know what you mean anonbrosis. u.u)
"Come here, buoy."
Nothing she can do to him would be Just, and she's not, he thinks, doing anything he needs to be heroic over -- thank fuck because he tends to drop the ball on that kind of stuff, and besides she looks pensive more than hostile or schadenfreuding. He pads closer, wings fanning out crimson behind him; her lips quirk some.
She's so tall compared to him, even now he's older, towering, and the horns...
"Scared, little guppy? Got no reason to be."
"Excuse the fuck out of me if I'm not entirely convinced, Your Condescension."
"So respectful!" she laughs, but he knows she knows he means it somewhat defensively.
It's weird but she seems vaguely hurt about it. He must be hallucinating.
"Still hoping to be my chief Treshie, or has that ship sailed?"
Karkat stares up at her, those terrifying magenta eyes, that shark smile, those spear horns, taller than he is.
He can't help whispering. She snorts. "You sound like you don't expect me to be her. Or her to be me." She shrugs, twitches her head to remove a long black lock from her face. "Surprise! I had a wiggler name, too. I was even a wiggler once."
"No, but you -- you remember?"
Another shrug, a faint snort. "Shrimp, you got any idea at all how glubbing old I am? A miracle I even remember the face of my own coddamn lusus, and then again s' probably because I still had to feed her for a coupla centuries afore I found a coupla suckerfishes to foist it off on. The game stuff ain't slotted in all proeper, for me to remember it at all."
But she does. Oh. Karkat leans in, eyes widening a little, trying not to hope and failing. "But you're -- I mean, shit, I don't even know what I mean. Have you even changed that much? Because I -- we got along, back then, didn't we? That was... that was pretty cool." He's being so presumptuous, but she doesn't silence him, she just listens, head tilted a little.
And then she smiles, and it's so terrifying his endoskeleton turns to jelly, of fucking course. "Shore did, Karcrab. But you never did ditch those losers to come fight with me. I'm disappointed."
Karkat shivers. What the fuck is going on, there's something here but he can't figure it out. He's torn between hurrying off in terror before his empress as a fucking mutant, standing his ground as the friendleader of the goddamn party, and be glad he's seeing one person he could have been good friends with once again, when he never thought he would. It's nerve-wracking.
... Also she's looming closer. He thought it was just an optic illusion, how her hair seemed to grow and creep along the edges of his field of vision, but it's merely that she's leaning over him. Holy shit. "Yeah, uh, my bad, shit happened. I would have if I could," he assures her, and he even means it. He's trying to think of her like she's Gamzee, a terrifying murderfiend who's inexplicably fond of him and it'd be insulting not to be fond back and terror is counterproductive to survival so stuff it. He's having moderate success so far.
"I believe you," she replies around a laugh -- more sophisticated but the same underneath -- "now don't you move," and then she leans in the rest of the way.
Oh wow empress mouth.
Like. On his mouth.
It's not black, it's too light for it, but not pale either or her lips wouldn't part against his, guiding them to part in turn. They breathe the same air for a second, and he stops breathing with a gasp because isn't that disrespectful or something and she chuckles against his lips. Her tongue is oddly cold, she tastes salty, her lipstick smears on his lip a bit.
He lets her explore him for a few seconds, completely fucking stunned out of his thinkpan, and then he places a light, cautious hand on her forearm and leans back and says with perfect poise and calm, "Okay what the fuck."
She studies him for another second and then she laughs and leans back and flicks her hand, royal to her taloned fingertips, eyes coolly distant once again. He feels for an instant like he broke something fragile he's never getting back.
She turns to leave, hair swaying, horns jutting proud, and he's never going to get an explanation either and how dare he even think to ask one of her. "Meenah!" he calls despite himself. She pauses.
"Li'l me used ta like the cut of your jibe," she drawls over her shoulder, "and the fit of your pants. But you're too much of a guppy now, little school leader. Oh well, so many more fish in the sea."
Karkat stands there a long time after she's gone.