The Tale of Three Hearts and One Hoofbeast - Memory Unlocked

-- timaeusTestified [TT] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TT: Dave?
TT: Are you here?
TG: yeah whassup dirkiepoo
TG: thought you were still hanging out with the lion queen twins did something go wrong with team love and blood pumps
TG: i can get together a team and find you straight away
TT: No, it's just
TG: uh
TG: idk about you especially what with how we havent spent too much time socializing and shit
TG: but when rose doesnt finish her sentence or starts dropping punctuation a man less steely than myself might take it as his cue to start to fret a bit
TG: its just what??
TT: Heh.
TT: It's just...
TG: come the fuck ON now youre just fucking with me
TT: Hey, kiddo.
TT: A man less steely than myself might possibly have missed you.
TG: wh
TG: no
TG: no.
TT: I foresee you telling me no and me telling you yes for the next ten lines.
TT: Don't feel like it, so.
TT: When you were six you accidentally came in through a door I thought locked and walked through the field of my webcam.
TT: The guy on the other side toppled off his chair with his dick in hand. I got to meet your teacher and explain where you'd heard that kind of really fucking incriminating Chinese.
TT: Seems like I was a really shitty parent, from what I remember.
TG: i
TG: bro no
TG: bro?
TT: Looks like. Heh.
TG: you werent
TG: you really fucking werent
TT: I really was. Wow. Analyzing my memories through the lens of all those sociology books I studied human behavior in illuminates a startling amount of whatthefuckery.
TG: shut the fuck up you were an awesome brodad
TG: i will shank anyone who says otherwise even if youre the one saying it
TG: you werent one straight from those nice and clean how to magazines
TG: but i survived sburb because you were my bro
TG: i became this classy motherfucker with impeccable snark skills because you were my bro
TG: you shut your whore mouth about my bro
TG: and at least you were there
TG: i wasnt even there
TG: i
TG: oh shit
TG: dirk i left you a fully stocked house and a bunch of shitty movies
TG: woo obligation discharged lets go prance down a red carpet or three and fondle barely legal starlets man it sure is easier to live the life without a kid shaped shackle oh my god what the fuck
TT: You shut your whore mouth about my Bro.
TT: It's not like you chose to leave me behind. I always knew that. If you could have kicked the game in the face to make it put me with you without dooming me, you would have done it or died trying.
TG: heh
TG: brb the roof has sprung a leak
TG: a very manly leak
TG: right on my face somehow
TG: i can say that because i am amongst a great and many varied things a manly man of manners and mangrit who is not afraid to admit when his house is having a moment
TT: As your little Bro I don't think I need to know about your canopy bukkake adventures, man. As your older Bro, I done told you never to go in without your tarp.
TG: oh nooo
TT: I warned you, Bro.
TG: you told me dog
TG: tho really that meme was about stairs not shrink wrapping your franknfurter
TT: It breaks my heart to have to explain to you that it was a metaphor about dicks all along.
TT: Mostly because you should have guessed already.
TT: Everything is dicks.
TT: Everything.
TG: my life is a lie
TG: the stairs were dongs
TG: rolling me down toward a pit of literal balls
TG: the staircase a chute of the waste kind
TT: I somehow feel this conversation might descend toward the scatological.
TG: imma scato yo lil cal
TT: Groan.
TG: too early?
TT: Too bad.
TG: i think you will find in matters of dirty jokes i am simply the baddest dude there is
TT: That sounds like a challenge.
TT: It's interesting how the sixteen year old I am insists I'm too mature for that shit, while the thirty-undisclosed clamors to embarrass you into the ground.
TG: NO REAL LIFE MATERIAL ACCEPTED FOR THIS SNARK OFF this is the first rule of snark club
TG: the second rule of snark club is NO FUCKING REAL LIFE MATERIAL jesus dick bro no
TT: Too bad, I have a lot of material at hand.
TT: Feel free to infer the hur hur.
TG: i will turn this chat window around so help me dirk
TT: Authoritative and masterful.
TT: Is this where I slip in a double entendre about spanking kinks?
TG: thats it everyone off the godly pesterchum
TG: its time to go get drunk on weak ass beer and that brandy some chick gave gamzee the other day for no reason any of us can discern
TT: Leave me some. Even without the trip down Memory Interstate I feel I would deserve one just for hanging out with the Lion Queen twins all day. Holy shit, was that a quest or what.
TT: The pony is pretty as fuck though, now it's frolicked through a pond.
TG: too bad an unpretty pony is only good for glue and lemme tell ya we need a fuckton of glue here
TG: that and elastic bands
TG: this village is falling apart
TT: Touch the pony and I'll sic Vantas the Elder on you so he can be disappointed at point blank range.
TG: ouch vicious
TG: re alcohol youre underage but if you dont tell my bro i wont tell yours
TT: Your Bro would probably hand you the bottle and settle in for an evening of laughing at your expense, to be honest.
TG: that unremitting asshole
TG: lucky itll just be you
TT: Yeah, lucky.
TT: Okay, we're on the move again, I need to get offline. See you soon, Bro.
TG: we totally need a quick and convenient little chat symbol to signify brohood that wasnt coopted by those asshole trolls into something real fuckin incesty
TT: </NoHomo/3 ?
TG: hahahahahahahahahaha
TG: </nohomo/3 right back atcha kiddo