CG: BY THE WAY.
CG: I SERIOUSLY HOPE YOU HAVE NOT A) DRAGGED ME INTO SOME VAMPIRES/WEREWOLVES OR VAMPIRES/HUNTERS WAR, AND B) FORGOTTEN I MIGHT CARE TO BE TOLD IF YOU WERE AT WAR WITH ANY ASSHOLES OUT HERE AND *IN DEATHLY DANGER.*
CG: IF I AM SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND THEN I DAMN WELL DESERVE TO KNOW.
TG: yeah im actually the heir to the throne of vampires descended from dracula himself cause that dude totally existed in real life and was a hundred percent that special besides
TG: didnt take you for a golddigger karkafluffy but yeah ill let you wear my crown in bed
TG: so long as my lap can double up as your throne
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING TRYING TO DEFLECT.
CG: IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH MY ENTIRELY SERIOUS INQUIRY.
TG: wasnt an inquiry was an accusation
TG: a real fucking unfounded one too
TG: i mean srsly who is bored enough to go to SECRET WARRRR like some kind of extreme game of cold war spies only without any patriotic or saving-people stakes
TG: you read way too many novels
CG: OH, REALLY, IT'S ALL MY IMAGINATION.
CG: SO THEN HOW, PRAY TELL, DID YOU EVER GET INJURED ENOUGH TO NEED EMERGENCY FEEDING FROM YOURS TRULY?
CG: THOSE SURE LOOKED LIKE PRETTY DEEP LACERATIONS. MAN AM I GLAD TO KNOW THEY WERE FAKE AND ONLY THERE TO GIVE YOU AN EXCUSE TO GO FOR MY NECK.
CG: WHAT ONE CAN DO WITH STAGE MAKE-UP NOWADAYS, IMPRESSIVE.
TG: oh shut up
CG: I WILL NOT FUCKING SHUT UP, ARE YOU SERIOUS HERE? YOU. FED. ON. ME. MY BLOOD SAVED YOUR FUCKING ASS, YOU UNGRATEFUL SON OF A LICH, AND NOW YOU'RE LYING TO MY FACE??!
TG: i fell off a tree okay??
CG: ... WHAT.
TG: i was dicking around in a tree and the branch broke
TG: spoiler that thing about vampires and pointy bits of wood disagreeing with each other is actually based in actual actuality
CG: ...
TG: jade wanted to lick my face man what was i supposed to do
TG: you have no idea how slobbery she gets i didnt want to show up on your doorstep with crusted bubbles of yuck on my face so sue me for being vain
CG: ......
TG: so yes i went and climbed a dangerous tree made of real lethal wood and the weight of my radness broke the fuck out of it and i swagged myself right into impalement city
TG: this is my origin story
TG: are you happy now
TG: karkat??
TG: dude
TG: do you for real not believe me here or
TG: cause that hurts wow
CG: I'M MOSTLY WORKING ON BELIEVING HOW MUCH OF A DUMBASS MY BOYFRIEND IS.
TG: oh thats cool
TG: feel free
TG: jade gave me an earful already but i was busy dying at the time so im pretty sure she wont feel like youre a copycat
TG: also your insults are way different so possibly itll be low on the deja heard
TG: i hope
CG: OH, SHUT UP.
CG: SO... YOU WERE COMING TO MY PLACE?
TG: um yeah
CG: TO...?
TG: well
TG: idk hang out
CG: HMMM.
CG: IMAGINE ME SQUINTING SUSPICIOUSLY.
TG: okay and maybe steal a kiss or smth
TG: i had to catch up on jade ok you were like totally smitten with her and she told me you smelled interested when i dropped my pen that one time and suavely exposed my plush rump but what if she lied to soothe my pain huh what then
CG: WELL. TO BE HONEST.
TG: aw cmon
CG: IF SHE ONLY TOLD YOU I SMELLED INTERESTED THAT ONE TIME I'M NOT SURE HOW WELL I CAN TRUST HER SUPER NOSE.
TG: you can trust it just fine!! :p i just didnt want to give him a swelled head ;D
CG: GROAN.
CG: I DON'T SUPPOSE I MAY HOPE THAT, LIKE SEERS IN MANY A GREAT STORY, YOU CAN'T SMELL IT WHEN IT'S ABOUT YOU?
TG: weeellll......................
TG: nope! hehehe
CG: WELP.
TG: oho
TG: lil karcutie had naughty thoughts
TG: he should be rewarded
TG: date tonight??? :DDD
CG: FOR GOD'S SAKE, HARLEY GET ON YOUR OWN HANDLE, IT'S DISTURBING.
CG: AND I SHOULD DO SOME HOMEWORK, BUT YES, OKAY.
TG: cool
TG: well show you our secret cabin in the woods that we build when we were like ten year old
CG: THAT SOUNDS... FASCINATING.
CG: I AM FASCINATED.
TG: it has a huge fur bed in it! ;D super decadent.
CG: ...
CG: THROW IN A LAPTOP FOR POST-MAKEOUT MOVIES AND I'M GAME.
CG: JUST DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THE POOR ANIMALS YOU HUNTED YOURSELF TO PROCURE OUR ROMANTIC AS BALLS BEDDING.
TG: woot
TG: and ill bring the dessert
TG: by which i mean my dong thats its little name cause you cant have just a little of it
CG: MY DICK IS NAMED "THE STAKE"; ALAS I MUST KEEP YOU AWAY FROM IT FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.
TG: XDDDDDD <3 <3 <3
TG: BOTH OF YOU START YOUR HOMEWORK NOW! i will not interrupt my makeouts to tutor you guys again.
CG: CAN I BET THAT IN MEATSPACE DAVE IS MAKING A DUMB JOKE ABOUT HOT FOR TEACHER.
TG: is it even worth it to bet on it, seriously ://
TG: see you after class!! :3
TG: AND STOP TEXTING, IF YOU GET DETENTION I WILL BITE YOU ON THE BUTT
TG: (i might do that anyway, though.)
CG: ...
CG: <3