Homestuck
Crash Standing

princessofblood asked: Jadekat AU for your crash standing verse?
(crash standing is all about making davesprite happy! such a cruel prompt XD)

Quadrant Wrangling à la Human Sauce

-- gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering truncatedGrip [TG] --

GG: hi byrd can i talk to you???
GG: its not super urgent yet but ahhhh, i really need to talk to you!!!
GG: byrd featherbutt strider!
TG: yo harley whats up on your mountaintop
GG: the lava? its kind of splurting up like a fountain, its very pretty
GG: BUT SO TOTALLY NOT THE TOPIC
TG: ok what is the topic
TG: let me pull out my crystal ball and purple veils
TG: cant be an issue with the camping gear im still not any less benched than i was youd have called one of the crockbert parental units
GG: its not an issue with the gear or people getting injured or anything :/
TG: karkat saw you naked and you divested him of his aliendude parts
GG: ......
TG: what really
GG: NO!!! he didnt see me naked, i made him put on a blindfold when i was washing up!
TG: wow there are rivers that far up the volcano
TG: that sounds like the setup for a softcore porno
GG: no theres not theres just this silly little rain pool in the rocks, and will you shut up and let me tell you???
TG: you saw him naked
GG: um
TG: what seriously
GG: sorry :((((((((((((((((((((((
TG: dude whyd you think id get angry about that
TG: nice butt huh im totally fine with sharing the aesthetic wowzas with my best girl
GG: um.
GG: which brings me to my actual topic
GG: YOU TOTALLY HAVE VETO RIGHTS!!! dont worry about that okay??? the last thing either of us wants is to hurt you at all and in fact if karkat was ok with hurting you like that id start hating him pretty platonically and
GG: im telling it all out of order DX
TG: uh
TG: what
TG: you doin quadrants now harley
TG: okay
TG: what
GG: oh nooo youre all onewordy now :'(((((((((((((((((
GG: nothing happened yet! its just
GG: well hes been super annoying and whiny all through the trip!!!!
GG: but hes also cute and all and i started thinking, if i were kissing him he couldnt bitch and moan nonstop???
TG: huh
GG: yeah .____. sorry.
TG: dyou think that really counts as kismefeels though
TG: i mean
TG: annoyance and hate are p far apart and hes probably been jerked around enough already
GG: :( i dont think i can really hate him, not the way trolls do, but he knows that. we talked about it a bit (we didn't do anything!!! just talked)
GG: and then he was all HUMANS ARE WEIRD ABOUT SHARING AND IF I HURT BYRD I WILL GO SWIMMING IN THE VOLCANO I SWEAR ON MY BULGE RAA RAA
GG: :) it was super cute how he was completely freaked over hurting you even a little bit
GG: and its super cute that youd worry more about his feelings than yours NOW STOP REPRESSING AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!!
TG: i think youve spent so much time with shouty the contrarian that now you think you have to bulldoze everyone down with the force of your authoritarian yells but im a delicate and thoughtful soul
GG: ..... ack yeah sorry .___.
TG: sok
TG: im surprised hes not giving me an earful in another window tho
GG: oh, i put a password on his wifi access :D he was being a spammy butt and getting on my nerves
GG: uh but ill take it off right now so you can talk to him
GG: its just the first thing hed have told you would have been IM TOTALLY FINE NEVER GETTING TO MACK ON JADE I SWEAR and it would have been an even worse mess than this convo and its already a ton of messy
TG: just a bit yeah
TG: so laying it all out
TG: you my love ex want my permission to hate date my love boyfriend
GG: yes? :D;;;
TG: fucking quadrants why am i doing quadrants i dont mind karkat doing quadrants but jesusfuck why didnt he go for idk sollux i never wanked it over sollux whod want to ponder their boyfriend sucking face with a garden rake how am i meant to pretend its not happening if i
TG: uh
GG: well see the bright side of it!
GG: itd piss karkat off a ton if we had the occasional quadrant smearing threesome
GG: just saying :D;;;;;;;;
TG: ...............
GG: that was
GG: just a thought!! hahahaha joke
GG: um.
TG: ...............................................

----

-- truncatedGrip [TG] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TG: karkat this is your loverbird speaking
TG: fluttering down from on high like a golden mote of light to sing a sweet song of tenderest pity straight in your hearing plate
TG: GO FORTH AND HATEMACK ON HARLEY WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND SUNS.